Act

Growth. It is what brings forest to being, rockets to space, and love to one another. It’s a powerful, powerful force. But I’m not here to talk about growth. I’m here to talk about its brother: destruction.

Okay, let’s dial back the theatrics a bit. By destruction I do not mean Armageddon, but instead simple failure. Shortcoming, insufficient effort, the lack of success, whatever you want to call it; it’s present and, to be perfectly honest about our condition, it’s here to stay.

The general rule of thumb is to see failure as, well failure. But I propose an alternative perspective. What if we strip the emotional and personal judgment from the term entirely? What if we remove the ego from the process and simply look at failure as, well, failure? What we get, is the very opposite of failure: opportunity. The potential for growth, the antithesis of inadequacy, and the very converse of a closed door.

So let’s take stock of what has happened here: by seeing our actions, not as extensions of our self-worth, but instead as the honest, good-natured efforts of people doing their best in the world, then we really only ever do one of two very positive things. We either grow, or we see potential for growth. That folks, ain’t bad.

So act. If this is our true situation (and it is) then the only negative choice is inaction. The doldrums strand good sailors and inaction stalls growth. In either situation we have the sails, it’s just a matter of putting them to the winds.

Strengthen Your Core

If you’re reading this today, I have a simple question for you: who are you?

It’s something we think we know. We attach a name and a job and an address to our identity but our principles, loves, passions, cares, and dreams can go completely ignored. These accessories to our lives, the “identifications” of our clothes, location, and career are little more than fruit of a tree and identifying our core values, nurturing that tree, leads to healthier, more bountiful fruit. Fruit of confidence, fulfillment, personal accomplishment, and long-term, sustaining happiness.

So, at least for today, consider your metaphorical tree. What ideals and character traits are important to you and which ones comprise you? What truly makes you, you?

Eat Your Veggies

I am big into nutrition right now. I may or may not be depending on how great my craving for cookies is in the next couple of months (seriously, I have less nutritional discipline than a Biggest Loser contestant without extreme external-monitoring) but for right now I’m big into nutrition.

Each day I eat a balance of proteins and fiber, less carbs (gotta look good for bikini season) and plenty of water. It wasn’t until I was enjoying one of my colorful meals with my paramour that I considered: what if the food pyramid could be applied to our time budget?

I often speak about priorities here on CFiST but today I’d like to give you a tool to make that concept a reality. So even though Time Pyramid would make an awesome 80’s sci-fi title, in this context I’d like to harken back to the now retired food pyramid.

The Plan

Start by considering all the different activities you do during the day. For example, my list would look like the following:

• Sleep
• Eat
• Meditation
• Exercise
• Time with loved ones
• Work
• Read
• Chores
• Journal
• Reading
• Personal care
• Code
• Write
• Television
• Social networking
• Online shopping

It’s pretty busy to say the least. Now, here’s how I would break that down, carrying the food analogy:

Grains

The essentials. Require the most servings and form the building blocks of your happiness.

• Sleep
• Eat
• Meditation
• Exercise
• Time with loved ones

Fruits and veggies

The enriching activities. Substantial, colorful, and tasty!

• Work
• Read
• Chores
• Journal

Dairy/protein

Essential, but fewer servings. Build mental strength and get some “culture”. Get it? Yogurt joke.

• Reading
• Personal care
• Code
• Write

Sweets and oils

Delicious, but to be partaken of… sparingly.

• Television
• Social networking
• Online shopping

The result is a coherent metaphor for time “nutrition”; a way to balance out your activities in the best way possible using knowledge you already know. Pretty cool, right?

So how about you? What does your time nutrition look like? List your activities and try breaking them down into these groups and see how many servings you get in an average day. Feel free to post the results in the comments below and think about eating healthier. I have a hunch that you’ll be glad you did.

1/4 Cup Change

Pancakes are great. There are many ways to make them, but the same basic recipe remains the same. They taste about the same every time (delicious) and to make things even simpler, the word “pancake” never changes definition, thus averting confusion. They have the same basic toppings, go in the same place after being eaten, and for all these reasons are one of my favorite dishes to make.

Humans are not pancakes.

You see, we come up with recipes for our everyday lives. I, for example, had my productivity tools utterly figured out over the past few months as I established new habits, endeavored to get more done, and did my best to squeeze my hobbies into my life. Things worked like a well-oiled machine, until recently when I realized that a few of my productivity tools were actually preventing me from getting my work done.

I had established my habits, learned my lessons from the process, and was not endeavoring to reshape my life by paring back down to what was essential and necessary. I had changed and my productivity tools had to change with me.

And thus is the greatest challenge of living an active, successful, happy lifestyle: we are not pancakes. We require different ingredients at different times and even the definition of “us” changes constantly throughout our lives. The important thing to remember is that growth is a beautiful thing, and the tools we need to further that growth change.

Be flexible to change and the world will be at your feet. Learn to adapt your recipe and you will become even more awesome than pancakes.

Is This Real Life?

Context: this particular post was written a couple of weeks ago while the misses was away for a business trip and my work was exceedingly stressful. The commentary is, however, no less universal today than it was then.

Barring a stroke of pure genius, welcome to my ham-fisted introduction, pounded out beligerently on the keyboard well past my bed time on a school night. I’m tired, my head hurts, my eyes are extremely dry, and the cat will, not stop, jumping, into, my lap. At this point, it’s hard to appreciate my tea or find the patience for studying Japanese, my physical circumstances simply don’t permit my attitude a sliver of optimism or enthusiasm. Yet, at the same time, I cannot ignore that my perspective as a self-improvement junkie, aspiring polyglot (knower of many languages) welcomes the reluctant learning as a badge of honor; a moment when my willpower and intellectual curiosity won out over my physical circumstances.

You see, today was a difficult day. Besides the brow-beating a 9-to-5 work environment can regularly lay on unsuspecting victims, the absence of my paramour (business trip) has made maintenance of my usual (pardon the term) “swagger” exceedingly difficult. Physically drained, emotionally exhausted, and mentally taxed beyond my usual burn-the-bitch-at-both-ends work style, normal circumstances simply aren’t what they would be in the right lighting. My persistent pesimism born of a physical inability to muster a smile makes crackers bland, tea uninteresting, and conversations labored.

On the flip side, my usual sunny demeanor has its benefits, pardoxically serving as a hindrance to my dispassionate evaluation of the world around me. The same day, viewed with a good night’s sleep, a warm hug from mah bebe, and a fresh batch of esoteric albums to listen to would taste the same crackers with delight, sip the same tea with appreciation, and lead to joke after hilariously delivered joke (I’m a God damn delight). Unfortunately, what this means is that regardless of the circumstances, you and I both are bound and determined to have our subjective evaluations swayed more by our physiology than by the flavor of crackers in front of us (I’m really hungry and all we have are crackers).

So what defines us? Clearly we aren’t serial killers one day and happy-bunnies the next. You see, the common thread that runs through all of our perceptions is our perspective. The perspective that comes from many years of living our own lives, walking in the shoes of others, and having cultural experiences that expand our minds. No matter how pissed off you get that X didn’t do Y or Z doesn’t taste like Q, down at your core you know who you are: a person capable of patience and empathy, unwilling to rely on heartburn and assumptions when making judgments or decisions. You are capable of doing better.

I’m not saying it’s easy, God knows it isn’t. But seeing the world objectively, not attaching a label or a positive/negative evaluation to everything you perceive will help you be a more calm, secure, and happy person. I speak from experience. Look beyond your assumptions and ask yourself, what is happening in this moment? And when you’re done, come back here and tell me about it because once my knee stops hurting and my complexion clears up, I will be a person that wants to hear about your life.

And you will be to.

Spring Cleaning

It’s snowing. Again. It’s always fucking snowing in the state of Iowa. At least, that’s how it feels this year.

So in order to vent my cabin fever, today’s post is about Spring. Spring cleaning to be specific. You see, as of late I have spent a good deal of time trying to get organized, scheduling and rescheduling perceived obligations, and looking for holes in my personality that have led to such a challenging few months.

But the truth is, as I’ve mentioned before, sometimes the problem is not as simple as it appears.

One approach, featured on the Happiness Project blog, approaches the organization problem with a simple strategy: don’t get organized. Don’t keep things around that you don’t need and be honest with yourself. I mean, what are the odds that you’re going to use that five-year-old coupon to El Pollo Loco?

Extend this concept even further into your life. I had to come to grips with the fact that, despite my desire to become fluent in Japanese, my life is simply too cluttered, and my goals simply too divergent from that knowledge for it to be kept around. I do plan to go to Tokyo some day, and at that time the language will be useful and thus, the habit. But in the mean time, it’s much more advantageous to refuse to become organized.

The important thing to remember is priorities. Though certain scholarly pursuits, hobbies, or activities may seem like great fun, keeping clutter around for sentimental reasons is not nearly as rewarding as keeping a clean house and a clean mind.

Be Yo’ Self

“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” – C. S. Lewis

I’ve quoted this before. It’s re-emphasis is not without purpose. You see, I’ve known many incredible people in my lifetime, and what continues to strike me is the frequency with which they insist that they were, at one point, “too embarrassed” to look silly.

It’s a poignant remark in my eyes because (and this is not bragging), the idea of looking silly is one that has not entered my mind in probably a decade. The concept that anyone would be embarassed by who they are, afraid to express their thoughts or personality is mind-boggling. We are who we are in the same way that a pear is a pear or a tree is a tree, nothing can change that.

So truly what requires more effort? Being yourself in the face of possible ridicule, or maintaining an unnecessary and futile facade? How much energy are you wasting a day being someone else when you could be the beautiful, powerful you?

Think about it.

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What do you think? Are you You or are you trying to be Someone Else? Join the conversation on Twitter and Facebook.

Read Dammit

Read.

No fancy lead-in, no great anecdote, just do it. Reading is not only intellectually stimulating, but entertaining and extremely calming.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Pick a topic you are interested in

I love philosophy. Whether I get it or not, I enjoy how cereberal the entire experience of reading philosophy is. Some of us like cooking, some of us like computers, some of us like history. Regardless of what you like, pick it and delve into it. There are literally thousands of books on every topic known to man and the added bonus of your interest will make the habit more rewarding and easier to establish. Do what you love!

2. Start small

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Furthermore, no one likes staring at a 500 foot tall mountain and thinking “I have to climb that?” So give yourself a break when you’re first getting started and  (after choosing something you like) pick something you feel comfortable with! Picking up a 700 page novel can be an exhilirating challenge but if you aren’t in the habit already, start with something you can finish to give yourself the ever-rewarding dopamine prize of an accomplishment.

3. Have fun

Yes, it’s a cliché but it’s also true. If you aren’t enjoying what you’re doing, then why are you doing it? Being open-minded is important, as is having the discipline to keep working on a rewarding book, but if you aren’t deriving pleasure from your liesure activities, then there really isn’t much point in doing them.

It’s a new year, read a book. It’s no secret formula or hidden ingredient to success (or is it?), but I promise, you’ll thank me.

Baby Steps

“Success is the sum of small efforts – repeated day in and day out.”

You know who said that? It was Rober Collier, world famous fuckin’… potato farmer or something. It’s good advice, advice that’s easy to ignore. When we consider the degree to which we allow our little actions to be swallowed up by our bigger ambitions, is it any wonder that things like New Years’ Resolutions fall short so consistently? 

No, it isn’t any wonder. Next subject.

Okay, so we’re all a bunch of screw ups, destined to live crappy lives with no success? I mean, yeah, if we don’t do something about it. So the question is what? I’ve been a self-improvement junkie almost to a fault (okay, entirely to a fault) since I could figure out that there was something wrong with me, and I think I’ve found an answer.

The first thing we need to do is focus on the moment. If “success is the sum of small efforts – repeated day in and day out”, then it goes without saying that little things, done when the moment calls for them, must be repeated every day in order to aggregate into success.

Look at your priorities right this second, and think “what small thing can I do right now?” Then do it. Tomorrow, just for one moment, repeat the process, just for one moment. Keep the habit going by rewarding yourself every time you do this. Eventually, it will become a way of life and you’ll be shocked at the results.

Second, practice what’s called self-compassion. If you forget to take a moment one day, forgive yourself. Understand that, whether your New Years’ Resolution craps out prematurely or you forget to take out the trash, understand that you are human, forgive yourself, and learn from your mistakes. The measure of success comes not from your defeats, but from your ability to bounce back from them and grow stronger as a result.

Now go get ‘em Tiger.

Meditation: A Primer

One of my favorite subjects to write about here on CFiST is peace and one of the greatest ways to attain that peace is through meditation.

For some, (even me) it can be a weird experience to try something new. My first tip is very simple: be open-minded. The scientific and psychological benefits of meditation are well-documented, so allow yourself to know that your actions are beneficial on many levels and that millions of people meditate every day.

So how does it work? How do those of us without access to Tibetan monks know what to do? It’s very simple:

1. Breath

Meditation is a very simple thing (achieving meditative consciousness is not but we’re only trying to relax at first). The most important thing to remember is to breathe. Take deep breaths from the diaphragm, taking twice as long to breathe out as in, and focus all your attention on that action.

2. Posture

Sit cross-legged (the lotus position), hands resting either on your knees or in folded in your lap. Sit tall, as if a string is drawing the crown of your head upward. Relax your shoulders. Your back should be strong but you should not be tense.

3. Environment

Find a quiet, well-lit (preferably by natural light) room with minimal distraction. The temperature should not e too cold but also not too warm. You should be comfortable in your space but awake and focused.

4. Duration

As long as you like! There is much to be gained from long periods of meditation, but you have to work up. Your attention span will be minimal, your mind will wander, but after a while you will find that practiced focus comes naturally. Gradually increase your time when you feel comfortable but always focus on clearing your mind and the time will dictate itself.

Again, this is just a primer, but every journey begins with a single steps. Implement these tips for just a moment per day and you’ll find that what starts as a chore becomes a beautiful retreat.